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DEAR JANE: My father-in-law won’t stop hitting on me – his disgusting behavior makes my skin crawl


  • In her latest agony aunt column, best-selling author Jane Green offers advice to a woman whose father-in-law is behaving in a very inappropriate way 
  • Do you have a question for Jane? Email dearjane@mailonline.com or ask it below
  • READ MORE: My best friend hid a vile secret about her past 

Dear Jane,

My father in law is making my life unbearably uncomfortable by hitting on me whenever my husband leaves the room.

I’ve been married for about three months now – my husband was my high school sweetheart so I’ve known his family for years and have always been very close with his parents. 

But recently, they got divorced, and his dad has been going through what I guess you’d call a mid-life crisis. He did the typical makeover, started going to the gym, signed up to a load of dating apps, and in a pretty gross twist, started making really inappropriate comments to me every time I see him.

It started off innocently enough, I guess. 

He would ask me whether I liked his new haircut, his new clothes, his new car… that kind of thing. 

Dear Jane, my father-in-law is going through a mid-life crisis - and he won't stop hitting on me every time my husband leaves the room

Dear Jane, my father-in-law is going through a mid-life crisis – and he won’t stop hitting on me every time my husband leaves the room

But slowly he started getting much more intimate. 

He’s suggested that my husband has never been very good with women and that I’d be much more ‘satisfied’ dating a more experienced member of the family, and he repeatedly makes comments about my body, telling me that my boobs look good in certain outfits, and saying he never would have divorced his wife if she had a ‘butt like mine’.

I usually try and just shrug off the comments because I don’t want to cause a scene or upset my husband but I’m now at the stage where I can’t stand to be in a room with him alone because of what I think he might say.

International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers' most burning issues in her Dear Jane agony aunt column

International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers’ most burning issues in her Dear Jane agony aunt column

There’s only so much ‘jokey’ fending off I can do and I think I’m at my limit.

How can I make him back off without causing drama with my husband’s family?

From,

Distress-in-Law

Dear Distress-in-Law,

Forgive me for what I am about to say, but… ew. This is wildly inappropriate, and wrong on so many levels. It makes me so angry, for every woman who has had to put up with these comments, forcing a strained smile as we pretend it doesn’t matter, when it makes us feel utterly sick.

Enough with the jokey fending off. 

You may not want to cause drama, but, as you are discovering, there is only so long that you can pretend, and the problem with not speaking up, with not telling someone their behavior is inappropriate, is that by bottling it up, we end up hurting ourselves.

There doesn’t have to be any drama. But there does have to be some courage. 

The next time he says something, tell him this is inappropriate, and unacceptable. You will not tolerate his flirtatious behavior anymore. Be firm. 

If your husband doesn’t already know what’s going on, tell him, before you tell your father-in-law. It may be that your husband wants to join you in letting his father know this behavior has to stop.

Truthfully, it may be uncomfortable for a while. People who are used to getting away with bad behavior do not like being called out on it. 

But that’s not your problem. However he behaves after you tell him to stop, is his problem. 

If it continues, I suggest putting a pause on this relationship unless and until he can behave appropriately. 

I wish you strength, and courage.



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